Dad Life: Work

How To Win Friends At The Office.

I would just like to start off by saying I love where I work and I love my department even more.  I think the people in the logistics cube are downright the best employees at Tip Top. Ok, now with that out of the way, lets get down to business (to defeat… the Huns.)
A couple of weeks ago I learned something invaluable and I wanted to pass it along because I know we could all use more friends in the workplace.  So, forget the golden rule and instead,  jot this little nugget down: Before you call someone a name or shove them in a category, know what said word and or category means.
Let me explain. Our cube, which consists of four people, started talking about sign spinners.  You know who I am talking about, the guys and gals that rock it out with some headphones in their ears dancing the day away flipping around a piece of cardboard so that you can’t read the name of their employer, all to entice you to come into a place of business.  We were talking about sign spinners and one of the guys asked, “What do you even call those guys, spinsters?”
Which I responded, “Woah, don’t call them spinsters, that would be offensive to (lets call her Abby) Abby.” Which Abby then turns to me looking befuddled and shocked… just blinking away.  And I continue on, “Thats what you are right? A spinster?”  As I look around me to see now all three looking shocked, my face starts to flush as I am beginning to realize I have no idea what I just said really means, but I just keep on going.  “Yah, a spinster. Like someone who sews things and creates stuff like jewelry.”
Let’s just say my stupidity was about the only thing saving me at this point because lets be honest, I didn’t use a shovel to dig my potential grave with this one, I used a stinkin backhoe loader, one of those big construction machines.
It turns out the word that slipped my mind was seamstress.  And for those of you who missed the whole bid deal, let me give you the definition of each.
Spinster: A woman who is not married, especially a woman who is no longer young and seems unlikely ever to marry. Which just because Abby is a woman and currently single doesn’t inherently mean that she is a spinster, it just makes me seem like a big jerk.
Seamstress (The word I wish I said): A woman who sews.  Which is what Abby does.
Now, I am sure you can see how I got those words mixed up…right?
Where were we now. Ah yes, my funeral.  Like I said, my stupidity was the only thing that saved me, and the fact that I am not THAT big of a jerk.  Plus, Abby was incredibly gracious and the rest of the team didn’t give me too much grief.
Guys, I am just glad I survived to tell this story and that I could give you all some winning advice on how to win friends at work. In a nutshell: Know the meaning of words and make sure to use them in the right context.

Dad Life: Work

Words Can Kill

Sometimes people just don’t think about the words they use.  I know for me personally there are times when I open my big mouth and what comes out is just a river of stupid.  I know this is shocking to those of you who know me, but its true.  I wanted to give this preface because today’s story actually isn’t about my craziness, but about something that happened to me.
Currently, I work in an office environment which means I am sitting for large portions of the day where only just a year ago I was in shipping so I would be walking around all over the facility, monitoring our product, and helping load trucks.  I went from an active job to one that is very sedentary.  The best part is, this switch happened at one of the most glorious times of the year… the holidays.  As you can see from the posts before, I love me some food.  Needless to say, this past holiday season I may have gained about 15 lbs… I know what your thinking, “Fatty fatty two by four, can’t fit through the kitchen door.”
Well mid holiday season one of the workers who I love came upstairs and was talking to someone in the department.  I passed by them with my lunch and the employee said, “Woah, looks like someones butt has gotten big. I mean, have you gained like 20 lbs?”  Luckily I had a friendship with this person so the comments didn’t cut as deep.  I joked around with them and went on my fat jovial way, but man… it kinda hurt.  Two more times over the holiday season, and even just last week someone I worked with mentioned my weight.  I mean luckily I have thick skin, probably due to my fatness, but their words kinda hurt.  I mean as exciting as it is to hear, “Woah, looks like someone has gotten big.” is, I am realizing that just because we are friends with someone or have a great relationship with them, it doesn’t mean that we can say whatever we want.
I’ll tell you something though, a new adventure has started my friends, and its all thanks to words, because there is no greater inciting incident then to have multiple people tell you that you look hefty, or getting a yearly physical exam and seeing your weight hit numbers you thought you had left behind.  So now, I am eating better, working out, and just being more active. Pro tip: use your child as an exercise  weight, what a solid thirty pound kettle bell that kid is.
Let this new adventure begin.

Dad Life: Family

Parenting Fail: 101

bitmoji-20160326211553You know what I just learned… there is no distant future with a toddler. Oh sure, there is a “this is whats going to happen in five seconds future”, a “this is what is happening after we put your shoes on future”, even a “if you do or eat this you get that future,” but again, there is no distant future with a toddler.
I made the mistake last night right before the bedtime routine of mentioning that we are going to go to Pops’ cabin, his grandparents cabin… NEXT WEEK. Ugh, just thinking about my foolishness again is baffling.  After I mentioned this to my son I told him it was bath time and he ran right upstairs and went into his bathroom.  This should have been the first sign that something was up because usually he starts pouting and asking for mommy, but  at the time I just thought he was really pumped for some bath time fun.  Usually when I wash his hair he doesn’t like it because water “gets in his eyes” and puts up a mini struggle but this time there wasn’t much of a fuss.  After I get him out I tell him we are going to brush our teeth and get dressed for bed and this all goes flawlessly.  I MEAN HOW OBLIVIOUS AM I AT THIS POINT.
Well my wife was walking over to the room to help out and my son sees her and waves and says “Bye bye.” She was kinda taken aback, but we thought maybe he just wants daddy tonight.  I mean I really thought this kid had turned a new leaf but then he says something…”Pops’ cabin…Carseat.” and it dawns on us, he was doing all of this so happily because he thought he was going to the cabin that night. UGH, how ridiculous of me to tell him something that isn’t happening for another week.
So, after telling him that Pops’ cabin wasn’t until the following weekend, he proceeds to put on his best pouty face and start sniffling.  Luckily it was the end of the day and we could distract him with some of his favorite books, but  even with pulling out all the stops, we still left his room that night hearing him mumbling “Pop’s cabin…carseat.”
Oh… I felt horrible, put the real punch in the kisser was when my son basically handed me a “Your the worst trophy” the next morning.  What I mean is that when I followed up with my wife about how her morning went, she said the very first thing our son said when she went into his room was “Pops’ cabin… carseat,” and once again, he followed up with his tears and pouty face when she told him that it wouldn’t be until the following weekend.
So…dads, wanna-be dads, or people ever thinking or even thinking about thinking of having kids, REMEMBER, toddlers have no concept of future focused events. Please, learn from my idiocy and don’t talk about future focused events unless you got that junk locked and loaded and are planning to go right then.
So, I hope I am the only one who has made this mistake, but if I’m not, and I have a strong feeling that I am not, please share your lessons learned below.

Dad Life: Kids

2 Years 2 Fast

Today is the day that my little baby boy turns into a big two year old. I swear it is like magic…One moment hes bursting into this world and the next he is laughing, running around, throwing food, saying mommy and daddy, and millions of other things.
As I think back over this past year, a single thought pops into my mind, and that thought is “Have I wasted my time with my son, or have I taken full advantage of the opportunities I have been given?” Each year I think about this and luckily I can say that I have no regrets.  This year has been full of going to the pool, running around at parks, dance parties, boyz weekends, bro time, and so many adventures.
Y’all, I can’t believe he is two. TWO FOR PEET’S SAKE! He is such a big boy and I love every little thing about him, from his stinky little feet to his slick and styled hair. My wife and I are the luckiest of parents and I know that we both cant wait for this next year and many more.
So, when this day comes around next year, I know I will be struck with the same thought, and just as in the past, I hope that I will have used the time that I have been given selflessly and wisely.  I hope and pray that I will continue to learn how to not always be focused on the next, but instead, to be focused on the now. I am so thankful for my son, and how my interactions with him has taught me so so much.